The Adventures of Snapeman and Wolf Boy!
by LilStripedTomato
Summary: Yup, our favorite Potions professor has decided to become a superhero! And he's got a faithful sidekick! And they have silly adventures! Chapter 3 now up, read and enjoy! And as always, review, por favor!
1. The Beginnings of a Snapey Identity

_Author's Note: Hi there! Lil here! I hope you like this, it's theintroduction towhat I hope will be a series of adventures starring our favorite superhero Snapeman and his faithful sidekick Wolf-Boy! No Wolf-Boy in this chapter, but he comes in in the next one, I promise! The idea popped into my head yesterday while driving home from visiting my friend for a few days, for reasons unknown. I couldn't help but draw it out, I love the idea of these guys as superheroes! It makes me giggle uncontrollably! I hope you enjoy it, please review! And remember, be nice! Also go and check out my recently updated fic _Love Potion Number 9_, which also stars our favorite professors having strange adventures trying to avoid love-struck ladies after Snape! Thanks to all who reviewed that so far, you guys are great! Anywho, on with the disclaimer! And remember also that it is supposed to be like a comic-book, seeing as how it is one. Well, I made one, lol!_

_Disclaimer: I own the comic Snapeman and Wolf-Boy that I drew, which is so much funnier than the story because you can see the funny pictures to go along with it! But you will just have to settle for the story, alas! I do not, however, own their secret identities Severus Snape and Remus Lupin. Wish I did, though. Pity. And now on with the story! Sorry it's so short, but it's rather late and I don't feel like typing much._

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**The Adventures Of Snapeman and Wolf-Boy!**

Chapter 1

**The Beginnings of a Snapey Identity**

* * *

Our adventure begins in the dungeons of Hogwarts. There, lurking in a dark lab, is not some villain plotting the world's demise, but our dashing hero. He is brewing a very dangerous concoction for the school Herbology teacher which is very delicate and has to be handled very gingerly. Just then, a mischievous Weasley twin who is prowling around in the hallway cackles quite evilly before tossing a small object into the room and then running off. The tiny projectile flies through the air before landing with a

SPLASH!

into the bubbling cauldron, unbeknownst to the potion maker, who is turned around and chopping chimera toenails. But he realizes something is not right when his brew begins to make a whistling sound. He turns around quickly, just in time to

BOOM!

be hit with a face full of the slimy orange goo as it explodes from the cauldron! Screaming curses inappropriate for a teacher to be uttering in a school full of children, the man waves his wand to clear the mess in the room and then stalks off to his chambers to wash off the sludge before his head begins to sprout sunflowers or some other scary plant life.

* * *

"CURSES!" 

he yells to his bathroom whilst soaking in his raspberry-scented bubble bath. "Those insolent brats! They shouldn't be allowed to cavort about like monkeys and cause so much mayhem! Something has got to be done about this!"

And then he gets an idea, an awful idea! Snape now has a wonderfully awful idea! He will save the people of the school from incidents like this by stopping crimes in Hogwarts! But how? Well, he can always dress in spandex and a cape and run around like a lunatic using interesting gadgets to thwart evil! Wait, that sounds ridiculous... So ridiculous it's brilliant! Yes, that settles it, he will become a

SUPERHERO!

Hopping out of his tub and grabbing a fluffy pink towel, he runs into his living room to start designing costumes and thinking of a superhero-ey name!

* * *

Sitting down at his table, quill in hand, Snape is writing down superhero-ey names on a parchment. But some of them don't sound very clever, and he scratches them off one by one with a growl while talking to himself. 

"Super Snape?… No, too predictable.

The Snape?… Too simple.

Mighty Snape?… Way too cheesy!

The Incredible Snape?… That does sound impressive, but I don't think so.

The Snape-inator?… Oh right, like I'm buff enough to pull that one off!

Mysterious Snape?… Well I am quite mysterious, but no.

Dr. Snape?… Ha! As if anyone in their right mind would actually believe I'm a doctor!

Snapeman?… Hmm, simple, stylish, superhero-ey… I like the sound of it. Yes! I shall call myself…

SNAPEMAN!

Yes! And I shall be feared by evil-doers everywhere! Now I'm off to fight crime!"

* * *

With this he jumps up and bounds out the door in a very superhero-like manner… only to be met with catcalls, whistles, and a few horrified screams! Embarrassedly dashing back in, he slams the door behind him. Apparently he has forgotten to get dressed and is still in just the fluffy pink bath towel. 

"Fine then," he announces to the empty room, "First I shall make a

COSTUME!

Then, after clothing myself in the aforementioned costume, I'll be off to fight crime!" That said, he wanders off to rummage around in the closet for his sewing machine.


	2. Snape in Spandex? Scary!

_Author's Note: Hi there! Lil here! Yes, Snapeman has returned! And this time he has help in his crime-fighting! Indeed, Wolf-Boy joins him today, hooray! I hope you all enjoy this, the third chapter should be coming out within a couple of days! And a big _Thank You!_ to _henrietta-Black _(Ask and you shall recieve! Snape's costume, just for you! I'm glad you like the story, and thanks for reviewing Potion as well! for that you get two cookies!),_Clashachu _(Thanks so much! Glad you like it! And I picture them all wannabe-Justice League-ish. Very amusing, this pair never ceases to make me laugh like a maniac!), _Wolfgirl Silver Suicune _(Indeed, now you shall know what happens next! And Snape isn't so far un-Snapey that he's decided to save the world, just rid Hogwarts of injustice. But the world will be the next step up, methinks. Anywho, thanks a lot!), and _Clove_ (Thanks a bunch! Of course it will continue, here ya go! And hilarious? -blushes- compliments like this make me update faster!) Hint, hint! -Grins hugely- Yep, I havefour reviewers for one chapter in one day! Proud, I think so! Thanks to you guys so much, you get some yummy chocolate cookies baked by Snape himself! (that is from a dream my brother had about Snape and Dumbledore owning a bakery, one is the dark side and one is the light side. It was funny, and it had me in it! I'm going to type it up and post it as a story eventually, so look forward to that!) Oh, and I should be getting around to finally updating _Adventures In Gimli's Beard!_ for you die-hard fans out there. Watch for that one, too! And now, a cheery message from our sponsors!_

_Disclaimer: I own Snapeman and Wolf-Boy! Ifyou wish to use them, please ask first. I'll give you permission as long as I approve of their use and you give me credit for owning them! I do not, however, own anything else in Hogwarts, or Hogwarts itself. And if I did own it and everyone therein, believe me, Snape would wear a lot less clothing! But I digress. Anywho, on with the show!

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**The Adventures Of Snapeman and Wolf-Boy!**

Chapter 2

**Snape in Spandex? Scary!

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After finding said sewing machine, Snape is now working busily on his very superhero-ey costume. He has a feeling it is going to be great! In fact, he thinks the designs are spectacular! Upon stitching the last stitch, he takes the blobby mass of cloth and holds it up to himself, gauging the appearance and effect it will have on his super crime fighting abilities. Yes, he decides that it will do quite nicely. It is a large and black spandex suit with a rather crooked S stitched on the front in lime green.

DRESS!

He puts on the costume and looks into the mirror, judging his handiwork. The seams are horribly uneven, one sleeve is much longer than the other, and it is far too large and baggy, making him look like a child dressing up in a bad recreation of Superman's tights. "Aha!" he cries! "It is perfect! But it's missing something…" Then he realizes that all superheroes wear underwear outside of their suits and runs into his drawer to pull out a pair. Grabbing a pair of purple boxers, he pulls them over the spandex and then grins. Yes, he now has a complete costume! Wait, it's not really a costume if they can see his face, he has to keep his identity a secret! He can't let anyone know he's really Snapeman! He needs a

MASK!

Going back to his sewing machine, he uses the same black material to make himself a Batman-esque mask, but doesn't see how he can keep the large pointy ears up. Deciding to settle for shorter ears, he fixes it and slides the mask over his face to try it on. AHHHHH! He's suddenly been struck

BLIND!

No, wait. He has just put the darn mask on backwards! Realizing this he takes it off and sheepishly puts it back on, with the eyeholes in the front this time. Grinning to himself, he slips on his boots and a pair of yellow gardening gloves nicked from Professor Sprout, then ties the fluffy pink towel around his neck like a cape, completing the ensemble. Ta-da! Now he is ready to go fight crime! Now he is officially

SNAPEMAN!

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Dashing out into the hall, this time making sure he is completely dressed, Snapeman runs about like a man escaped from the looney bin, looking for signs of trouble,before hearing something startling! It is a hacking sound, and it is coming from the Headmaster's office! Indeed that is very far away, on the other side of the school in fact, but his Snapey-sense knows no distance and picks up distress everywhere! Leaping about and flapping the edges of the 'cape', he makes his way to see 

DUMBLEDORE!

and find out what ails the elderly man. Upon speaking the password to the gargoyle and climbing the stairs, he bounds into the Headmaster's office, only to find a horrible sight! The bearded wizard is choking on something and turning quite a lovely shade of purple, almost the same shade as Snapeman's boxer shorts! Rushing to his boss's rescue, Snapeman proceeds to whack Dumbledore on the back and when that doesn't help he cleverly administers the Heimlich maneuver. Just then, the old man gives a final cough and a

LEMON DROP!

flies out of his mouth, landing across the room. "Are you alright, good citizen of Hogwarts?" the masked man asks Dumbledore in a very superhero-ey way. Upon getting a nod in reply, he says, "Well then, I'm off to do other good deeds and stop evil! Ta-ta, citizen!" With that he leaps out of the room, once more flapping his cape.

"Who was that strange masked figure?" Dumbledore asks aloud, puzzled, before picking up the lemon drop from the floor and popping it back into his mouth.

* * *

While dashing about like the mad man that he is, Snapeman fails to notice a flight of stairs and proceeds to trip over his long pink bath towel, tumbling down said stairs and landing on his masked head. After sitting up, he realizes that there is someone else in the hall, and they have just witnessed Snapeman at his most embarrassing hour. True, he hasn't even been a superhero for an hour, but that's not the point. Jumping back to his feet and dusting himself off and trying to look heroic, he looks and sees that it is none other than 

REMUS LUPIN!

"Lupin!" he says to his colleague, "What are you doing here?"

The Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher looks at Snapeman and points to a nearby door before replying, "My classroom is right there. Why are you here, strangely dressed man, and who are you?"

Grinning, the spandex-clad Potions professor says proudly, "I am Snapeman, hero of Hogwarts! Perhaps you've heard of me?" At Lupin's negative reply, he answers, "Well I am a relatively new superhero. I just started today, you know." Then, getting an idea, he turns to his friend and says, "Would you like to be my trusty

SIDEKICK!

Lupin? I don't have one yet."

"But I don't even know you, Snapeman." the lycanthrope says to our hero. "I've only just met you, what if you're not really a superhero?"

"Well," said Snapeman, "can you not see my superhero-ey costume? And do I not have a superhero-ey name?"

"Those are good points." said Lupin. "Very well, I shall be your sidekick!"

HOORAY!

"Good," says Snapeman. "Now, since you will be working with me, I must reveal to you my secret identity!" At this he removes his mask, showing his new accomplice that he is really Severus Snape, before covering his face back up.

"Wow!" replies Lupin. "Severus? I'd have never guessed that it was you! That's such a good disguise! Do I get a costume, too?"

Thinking quickly, Snapeman realizes that his sidekick needs a disguise as well, or else his secret identity wouldn't be very secret. Pulling a black, Robin-styled mask and another fluffy bath towel, this one orange, from an unseen pocket, he hands them to Lupin and says, "I now dub thee

WOLF-BOY!

You are now officially my sidekick and will help me in all things superhero-ey!"

"Yay!" Wolf-Boy says as he places his new mask on and ties his new 'cape' around his neck. "I'm a superhero! And with this great costume, now nobody will be able to tell that it's me! We'll be a great team!"

"Indeed we will, Wolf-Boy!" replies Snapeman. "And now, it is time to go and heroically fight crime!"

RUN!

With that the dynamic duo runs off down the corridors in search of trouble that needs un-troubling and people in need of saving!

* * *

Whilst dashing about rather heroically, on the lookout for danger, our pair of professors hear a blood-curdling scream coming from downstairs! "Wolf-Boy, someone is in need of our help!" Snapeman cries, and he and his faithful sidekick run towards the source of the sound, flapping their capes rather dynamically. The heroes 

SKID!

to a stop in front of Professor McGonagall's room and fling open the door. There they see the old woman standing on her desk, screaming her head off and flapping the bottom of her robes at something on the floor. "What seems to be the trouble, ma'am?" asks Wolf-Boy, not seeing anything dangerous.

"Can't you see it?" she asks them. "It's horrible, that terrifying creature over there!" She then points a finger to the floor and shows them a small little

MOUSE!

sitting un-threateningly on the floor, eating some crumbs from a ginger snap. The men do not find it odd in the least that she is afraid of mice, even though she can transform into a cat. They appear to think that her fear is quite justified. "Not to worry, fair citizen!" cries Snapeman heroically. "We shall save you from this savage and obviously evil beast! Wolf-Boy, my mouse-catching net, if you please." At this Wolf-Boy pulls out a large net from his pocket that looks as if it's big enough to trap Hagrid and hands it to his partner. Indeed it seems a bit much for just a tiny mouse, but they don't seem to think so. Snapeman bounds between McGonagall and the mouse and she cowers behind him, telling him that he is so brave and to be careful. Reassuring her that they are professionals and can handle the situation, he takes the net and

WHAP!

places it over the mouse. Then, walking over to it, he takes a jar from another unseen pocket and scoops the rodent into it. Wolf-Boy dashes heroically over to the window and opens it, and Snapeman lets the mouse go outside in the yard. "Not to worry now, you're safe, ma'am!" he says to the woman, who has finally come down from her precarious perch on the desk.

"Oh, my heroes!" she exclaims as she kisses them both on the cheek.

They blush and say, "All in a day's work!" Before leaping out the door.

"But wait!" she cries after them. "Who are you mysterious masked men?"

They yell back to her from down the hall, where they are leaping about like loons and flapping their fuzzy bath towels, "We are

SNAPEMAN AND WOLF-BOY!

the

SUPERHEROES OF HOGWARTS!

Spread the good word, citizen!" And with that they traipsed back up the stairs in search of more superheroic deeds needed to be done.


	3. Blimey! A Villain!

_Author's Note: Hi there! Lil here! Well, this chapter was a bit harder to draw out, as I couldn't decide who the villain was going to be. I've got a whole bunch of interesting villains thought up, can't wait to draw them! Some are rather frightening! Anywho, sorry for the delay. I was going to update last night but found myself watching a lovely Marx Brothers movie marathon, hooray! Kudos to you if you actually know who I'm talking about. I'll dedicate the next chapter to you if you can name all of them and tell me which one was which, and I'll even put you in the story! I love the Marx Brothers, as you might've guessed. Anywho, hope you enjoy this chapter! And I must thank my lovely reviewers, especially those who are frequent reviewers of mine! THANK YOU to _murielmodel_ (I am so glad you like it! I'd go there just to see them as well, they are so cute when they act stupid! I loved the part with the mouse, too, thought it was a bit ironic. And yes, you will see the Bakery Battle of Insanity up soon, though it wasn't my idea, it was a dream my little brother had. Strange, neh?), _Poohdog _(Thanks, I think it's funny, too! You should see the pictures of him in his costume, frightening, methinks! And no, his mask does not fit over his nose. It goes almost halfway down, think of Mr. Incredible's mask and his odd nose, if you will. By the way, I hate that movie! I saw it for the first time last week when I had my nieces come over for a visit. It was stupid. But I digress. Thanks!), _fallentree_ (Oh no, another death by laughter! It's a good thing I know CPR! -administers CPR and brings tree back- There! Now you can read the next chapter and I can be cleared of murder charges!), _QuillSwift_ (Sillily? Great word! I might have to borrow it some time! And thank you very much, glad you like the comic-bookiness! And of course I'll keep it up, you don't think I'd leave my wonderful readers in suspense, do you?)_ Avalon Estel_ (-gasp!- You didn't know it existed? I feel saddened. But you reviewed and liked it, so all is forgiven!I should think it would be original, it came to me in a vision whilst driving. And I really wish you could see the comic book, it's coming along quite nicely! Alas, you must settle for this crap I pass off as fiction. Glad you like the mouse and all of the 'dramatic' words, I thought they were a nice touch as well.),_ henrietta-Black_ (Yes, spandex ahoy! Even if poor Sev can't sew and his costume doesn't really fit, it is still spandex! And more of itin this chapter, but you'll be frightened when you see who's wearing it now, lol! Don't worry, I think Snapeman and Wolf-Boy will get real costumes eventually.) Yes, wow, I think I had a record of reviews this time! **SIX** reviews, huzzah! -buzzers sound and lights flash- I think I shall celebrate! Pineapple and mushroom pizza for all! Oh, and go check out my new original song,_ That Is Quidditch!, _sung to Harry by our favorite twins to the tune of 'That's Amore'! And be sure to leave a nice review! Anywho, on with the story. Wait... I know I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah, that pesky disclaimer!_

_Pesky Dislaimer: I own all heroes and villains, but sadly, not the original characters, which I don't think even make an appearance in this chapter, but just in case. I own the baby chimeras, they live in my basement and eat tomato soup, and I'm not afraid to sic them on any flamers!

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**The Adventures Of Snapeman and Wolf-Boy!**

Chapter 3

**Blimey! A Villain!

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**

After dashing about in their wonderful costumes, flapping their towels like wings and getting many strange stares from various peoples, our dynamic duo decide to go outside in search of anything dangerous on the grounds. Just then, Snapeman looks to Wolf-Boy and exclaims, "My Snapey-sense is tingling! Quickly, my companion, to the Forbidden Forest!" With that they

SPRINT!

down the lawn, past Hagrid's hut, and come to the edge of the woods... only to be met with a strange sight. There is a rather large and hairy fellow in bright yellow spandex with green gloves and boots, and as he turns around they see that he's got a large green 'B' on his chest and a tiny black mask covering his very bearded face. He is carrying a very suspicious-looking sack with something moving inside. Just then, a roar fills the air and the sack is ripped open from the inside, making the man drop it. Out crawl a dozen baby

CHIMAERAS!

looking quite cute and deadly. "Ah!" cries Wolf-Boy! "Those are chimaeras! You there, don't you know that those are illegal and a Class A Non-Tradable Good? They're very dangerous!" He then takes a step forward, apparently deciding that they need to be restrained and turned into Dumbledore, only to have the large, spandex-clad man jump on him and squash him like a tomato.

With a roar that could rival any motherdragon protecting her young, he jumps up and proceeds to try tosquish Snapeman! Our hero runs just out of reach and tries to bring his opponent down with a

WHACK!

punch, but it doesn't work and he soon finds himself screaming like a little girl and running around in circles. "What are you doing? Who are you?" he cries to his attacker!

The man stops and announces heartily, "Why, I'm the

BLIMEY BEARDSTER!

Maybe you've 'eard of me? I'm tryin' ta take care o' these precious li'lle creatures, don't ya see that they need a mummy?"

At this, Snapeman replies, "I don't care who you are, you're breaking the law, Mister Blimey, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn you in to the Headmaster!" He then bravely pulls a rope out of thesame unseen pocket and attempts to

LASSO!

the villain. However, that doesn't work either because the rope isn't long enough to tie him up properly and he breaks free of it with ease. He gives another roar and charges once more at our hero. "Lemme alone!" he yells. "My babies need me! There's nothin' illegal 'bout raisin yer children, is there?"

"Yes there is," says Snapeman, "When one's babies are blood-thirsty, human-eating monsters!" This only serves to anger the Beardster further, and he

POW!

sends a large, gloved fist towards the man with enough force to send him flying into a tree! Never fear, our hero is not dead! He sits up, dazed, and sees that the villain is distracted with picking up his 'children', now that the good guys are injured. Well, then this gives Snapeman an idea! When the Beardster's not looking, he pulls out his trusty

DUCKCALL OF JUSTICE!

from the still unseen pocket and gives a loud

QUACK!

This makes the large man turn around and look into the trees in surprise! "Why, do me ears deceive me?" he says unbelievingly. "I think I just heard a wild Moosenocerous in the forest! That'd make a nice companion for the little Skrewts!" Turning to his foe, he says, "I'm sorry, Mister Snapeman, but I'll have to beat ya to a bloody pulp some other time. I'm afraid I've gotta be goin' now!" With that Blimey runs off, chimaeras in his arms, tromping through the brush and calling out, "Oh, Moosenocerous? Where are ya, ya little beau'y?"

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REJOICE! 

Snapeman has just defeated his first villain! Well, he didn't really defeat him, in all actuallity he let the bad guy get away, and he didn't even confiscate the illegal animals. But he did avoided getting smashed like baked potatoes with a tennis racket, right? So it is a triumphant moment for him! He decides to celebrate this momentous occasion with his trusty sidekick, Wolf-Boy! Unfortunately,the lycanthrope is stillpassed out at the moment. Not letting this dampen his spirits, our hero grabs the pulverized man and drags him down to the Three Broomsticks for a glass of Old Ogden's

FIREWHISKY!

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Sitting in the bar and singing a rather off-key version of 'We Are the Champions', Snapeman and the now-revived Wolf-Boy are celebrating their triumph over evil. Yes, we know they didn't really triumph over anything, not even an evil hamster, but we don't want to spoil their fun. Besides, they're not bad singers when they're drunk! Just then, after falling off of his stool for the seventh time, Snapeman hears something strange, and it's not his sidekick's singing voice! It is the voice of a 

FRENCH HOUSE-ELF!

That could only mean one thing, house-elf smugglers! "Bolf-Woy," he says to his equally inebriated partner, "I heard French house-elfs. There's a foul plot afoot!"

"It's not my feet,"protests the other masked man, "I just washed them!"

"No," says Snapeman laughing, "But have you smelled Hagrid's feet? I mean, the guy walks around barefooted half the time and you don't know what he steps in! But that's not what I was gonna say, was it? No... But I forget what it is now."

"Did it have somethin' to do with house-elfs?" asks Wolf-Boy. "I think you might have mentioned them. Are they stalking you again? Honestly, that Pinky, or was it Blinky? Well, the one that washes your socks, she can't take a hint! I mean, the whole cross-species dating thing doesn't usually work."

"It might've been something like that." replies the spandex-clad man. "But I thought I said I wanted French toast?" He nods, "Yes, that was it." With that statement, a tray of French toast appears in front of him and he begins to eat happily.

* * *

Well, it looks like they'll have to solve that mystery of the house-elf smugglers another day. It seems that the Snapey-sense doesn't work when our hero is drinking. 

ALAS!


End file.
